Part 2 of 4: the truth about why 99% of people get stuck in a Depression spiral

It’s time to fulfill my first promise to you: I will show you the truth about why 99% of people get stuck in the Depression Spiral.

And if you don’t have this part down (it’s a before-you-start mindset), then no matter what skills or techniques I show you, they won’t allow you to completely escape the spiral.

To illustrate, I wrote this story of Lloyd and Fred. They represent the two mindsets that make up the majority of the world.

I wrote this because it’s my story. From then being a jobless, alcoholic, 11 hours/day gamer, occasional binger of several illicit substances, world and self-hater to an addiction-free, great husband, father, and son (my wife’s words at first, then, eventually, my words too), friend-maker, homeowner, passionate entrepreneur, and physically fit guy, who loves every single moment of every day, and most of all, is his own hero.

When I started my inner journey, I was Lloyd. Eventually, I realized Lloyd could never be free of this prison of Darkness.

I had to make a choice:

1 - I could remain behaving as the Lloyd archetype (and keep running away from the Darkness)

2 - Or I could transform into a very different archetype: Fred

Let’s get started.

Once upon a time:

This story starts in 2016. I had just started dating Shallom (now, wifey and mother of my three kids). I had an ordinary job, and she was in school. Every Friday, she’d come to my work, and we’d grab some lunch.

That night, we’d either meet our friends, or go out, just us two. We’d get drinks, go to bars and clubs, and wild out until 3am. We’d grab some burritos, satisfy our drunchies, and pass out.

It was exhilarating.

I was 28, she was 26.

We lived in a room at my parents house.

We were a pretty good snapshot of the average middle-aged worker bee.

But beneath that, I was hiding a few things:

I hated my work. The work itself wasn’t the problem. It was the way I felt at work. I had to uphold this fake, professional version of myself. “Hey Jim!! How was your weekend? Get into anything fun?”

Hated that. And I was perpetually under piles of work with never-ending deadlines that were always fast approaching. This was because I could never say “No”. I was a “Yes” man.

“I’ll take care of that.”

“Sure, I can do that.”

“OK, Monday morning, you got it” (i.e. I’m working that weekend).

I was endlessly busting my ass to please others, and thus was constantly burnt out.

With Shallom, we had fun, but we rarely connected. I was constantly intoxicated or nursing a hangover. And, if I was neither, my mind was always scattered between the mistakes I’ve made or the things I need to do, even on a Saturday afternoon or on vacation. I needed to get intoxicated to get a break from the incessant thinking.

But, below all that, something even worse was happening.

I was battling relentless inner demons I felt hopeless against. I was Depressed. I felt stuck. I felt like nothing mattered. I was in this weird and daunting rat maze and the forces out there have me completely dominated.

One day, an entrepreneurial friend lent me a book, the 4-hour Workweek, which showed me that I could make more while working less by running my own business.

The important part of this story is that it tipped over the first domino in my mind. Instilled a goal, a dream lifestyle that would later lead to other decisions.

So I hatched a “plan”.

I decided I needed to quit my job and start a business so I could have “fuck you” money and not work anymore.

“That’ll solve my Depression.”

But quite quickly, I learned that while running your own business meant no boss or deadlines, it also meant you had to use your own money and make decisions that could lead to success or failure.

The pressures of running my own business soon got to me, and after failure after failure, I filed for bankruptcy.

I fell into another spiral of Depression, alcohol, vaping, and gaming. I barely left my room. I barely saw my family or Shallom. For years.

Things were bad…

Yet, since 2025, I have been 1) completely Depression and addiction-free for two years and counting, 2) so happy and neck-deep in the gentle metaphysical river of peace and love (i.e., I’m high as fuck on life), 3) super healthy and physically fit, 4) the proud founder of two businesses where I make and do what I truly love, and 4) Shallom and I, as married couple, lovers, and best friends forever, have a wonderful four-bedroom house with three beautiful children who are also our best friends.

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: photo collage]

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: Picture of me happy w/ Saena]

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: Picture of me working out or flexing]

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: Picture of me with my business card / screenshot of me and SY working together]

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: Pictures of us at our house]

How?

It was who I became (the philosophy, approach, and beliefs), not what I was doing (tactics and details) that was important.

Between 2016 and 2025, I had transformed from Lloyd into Fred, and it made all the difference.

It was the key.

Let’s take a close look at Lloyd, Fred, and what it takes to make the transformation.

Meet Lloyd (Archetype #1)

A note on demographics vs. psychographics:

Lloyd’s demographics (age, income, sex, ethnicity, etc.) don’t matter. Rather, psychographics (desires, needs, fears) are what’s important.

It was psychographics that led me into those spirals. And it was psychographics that drove me towards my goals of being free of Depression and living a fun and wonderful life. It wasn’t my age, or that we had $0 in our savings account, or that I worked in data. None of that mattered.

About the time I first stepped foot out of college, I was born into the real world as Lloyd.

I was constantly in a downward spiral. I didn’t mean to be. But, one wrong move set off an intense shame and the only escape was to lose myself in something even more intense like alcohol, though usually at a cost (that I would then shame myself harshly for causing).

This “reprieve” was simultaneously my bane, for it devoured all my time and hangovers set me back even further.

I was exhausted from the escapism, and combined with my endless self-improvement projects and work, I was constantly overwhelmed.

[IMAGE PLACEHOLDER]

I felt that life sucked. The world was so full of evil, danger, and struggle. There was no hope.

This feeling of hopelessness sent me deeper down the spiral and on it went.

I was stuck in the Cycle of Darkness:

[DIAGRAM PLACEHOLDER: Cycle of Darkness]

I started trying to get out.

I tried everything online. Nothing worked for long. I looked everywhere. I was running out of options.

One day, my brother, took me aside and said:

“Hey JP, I think you need to get some help. See a therapist.”

When he said that, I was shocked. “I need a therapist? Is it that bad?”

One glance at myself and I saw quite clearly that yes, this IS really bad.

I agreed to try a therapist.

But something else occurred to me at that very moment.

I thought, “Why didn’t I think of that?”.

And that led me to a harsh truth.

I have been trying to solve this Depression problem by myself for so long, and was working so hard at it by reading everything I could online, that I had missed something huge.

I was working on myself within the comforts of my room, my phone, my laptop, and my own judgement.

Everything I had done up to this point was, at most, a half-measure. A quick tactic. A 6 minute meditation. A top 5 tricks from a YouTube video.

That’s when it hit me.

Let’s look at the second archetype: Fred.

Fred approaches life entirely different from Lloyd.

Fred is a master of self-love.

Fred is free of addiction, for he has nothing to seek relief from. He’ll enjoy something without becoming owned by it.

Fred has tons of time, and spends it enjoying the unfolding of life.

Fred is the fearless rock of his family. He leads with love, courage, and resilience.

Fred doesn’t burn out, because his inner critic no longer cracks the whip of shame.

Fred is himself regardless of who he’s with.

Lloyd is withering away, while Fred is unfolding like a flower.

Lloyd is swimming against the current, while Fred is effortlessly floating towards his next adventure.

Lloyd is constantly fluctuating between long stretches of sadness and short bursts of fragile hope and excitedness, while Fred is at peace.

Lloyd expends immense energy and nothing happens.

Fred builds a long-term system.

A system that allows Fred to dance effortlessly, and his best work emerges.

This is the realization that hit me. This was when I finally saw things for what they truly were.

This was my red or blue pill moment.

Lloyd was doing his best. But, he wasn’t doing the best.

Fred is all-in on the process.

Lloyd sees every moment as a means to an end (“I need to do this fast so I can get/be X.”)

Fred sees every moment as a means in and of itself (“Let’s dance.”)

When I made the shift in behavior, mentality, and approach from Lloyd to Fred, everything changed:

1 - I was able to move my family of four out of my beloved parents’ home to our first house together.

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: pics of house or apt]

2 - I launched my practice and gained three clients in three weeks simply by expressing my ideas.

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: show squarespace and calendly]

3 - I was invited to teach the staff at my daughter’s school on how to be present with children during big emotions.

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: pics]

4 - I was able to speak honestly with my boss and together we crafted a new position for me that I truly love and enjoy while providing more value for the company.

5 - I began effortlessly dropping harmful, lifelong habits and picking up new, badass ones.

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: pics of training / video?]

6 - I used to tremble at the idea of speaking to any stranger and even people I know. Now, I initiate conversations and make genuine connections with nearly everyone I meet.

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: pics with friends]

7 - Before, my wife took care of me and all our family needs. Now, I take care of her and handle half of our family’s needs.

[PHOTO PLACEHOLDER: pics of me doing real work - like mopping]

The good news is, you get to choose to be Lloyd or Fred.

It’s a decision. And only you can make it.

If there’s only one thing you need to take away from this guide, it’s this:

There is no easy way out.

You can’t just medicate or ignore the Darkness away. That only delays the inevitable.

The only way out is to face this thing head on.

Which is hard. And painful.

But, if you choose to embrace the hard way, you’ll be able to make the transformation from Lloyd (the 99%) to Fred (the 1%).

This is the whole truth I promised you.